REGISTERED NURSES WANTED

• Must be able to work long hours with frequent mandatory overtime and regularly missed meal and coffee breaks. Few holidays or weekends off.
• Must be able to keep massive amounts of paperwork up to date while making split second life and death decisions.
• Must be unaffected by frequent verbal abuse and able to neutralize occasional physical assaults.
• Must display patience, kindness, and understanding at all times. The ability to effectively communicate with people who are illiterate, uneducated, insane, hysterical or enraged is required.
• Must show no aversion to blood, vomit, oozing infections or human body waste. Job involves daily exposure to infectious bacteria and viruses as well as radiation and carcinogenic medications.
• Frequent staffing shortages necessitate your ability to prioritize and efficiently carry out the work of 2 or 3 people. Applicants must possess a keen interest in coping with grief, uncertainty, depression and loss on a daily basis.
• As a part of the multidisciplinary team you will be expected to collaborate with clerical and janitorial staff, physicians, respiratory technicians, social workers, Chaplains and Priests security guards, physical and occupational therapists, laboratory and x-ray technicians, maintenance personnel, and dieticians. You are required to have an understanding of all the roles and responsibilities of this team, as you will be required to carry out most of their duties in addition to your own.
• Must show humility and accept blame when frequently asked to be the scapegoat for the failures and frustrations of doctors, administrators, supervisors, and co-workers.
• Must be willing to confuse your body clock and abuse your body with frequent shift rotations and malnutrition due to gorging on fast food when you finally do get to eat in the car on the way home from work.
• Must have 3 sets of legs and ten hands so you can be in 3 different places at a time and Juggling a variety of tasks to make up for the 3 missing nurses that administration says you don t need for a safe patient-nurse ratio.
• Must be willing to risk losing your job when you are out with a disabling back injury or acute hepatitis C infections acquired on the job. Even if you win your fight to prove it is job related and collect your workers compensation, your employer will do their darndest to find a loophole and try to get rid of the “burden”. Don’t expect full pay and benefits for up to two years the way other hazardous jobs like policeman and fire man get.
• Oh, and of course, even though you work in a germ factory, abuse your physical and emotional health through work conditions and are regularly plague with low morale, don't EVER, EVER expect to call in sick to work unless you have the bubonic plague or in a coma.
• Must be a SAINT.
• Salary is in no way commensurate with knowledge, ability or experience. Due to the frequency with which employees develop physica1 injury and emotional breakdown we are pleased to offer a comprehensive benefits package.